Lost virginety
by Marcelle Hvidsteen
Summary: She knew something was wrong the moment she woke up. Oneshot. R


She knew something was wrong the instant she had woken. She felt sore, and tender. She could feel she was bleeding, and was surprised by it because it wasn't that time yet. She removed the sheet, and almost cried out loud. Her legs where red and tender, and a small pile of blood was piled between her legs. She was frightened.

She hadn't told them where she was going. She didn't want them to worry. "R. Roth." She rose and went threw to the doctor. She was asked to lie on a table and spread her legs. She didn't like this, but knew she had to so she did as the doctor ordered. The woman bent down, looked but smiled at her. "Don't worry. It's usually like that after your first time."

She wanted to cry. "I haven't slept with anyone doctor." The smile disappeared, and the doctor rose and got a box from the shelf. "This is a rape cit." Everything else faded away. She could see the doctor explain what she was doing, and what had happened, but it was like her mind had shut down.

Half an hour later she went out into the sunshine. She felt like it was mocking her. Like she hadn't just gotten her worse information ever. How could it still shine? How could the children laugh and chase each other? Didn't they know what had happened to her? She wanted to sit down and cry, but couldn't. She went into the ally and teleported herself back to the tower.

The water was gushing down at her. Running down her back, her arms, her legs, and her face. She was so tired. Not because of the news, but because it took so much energy keeping her emotions suppressed. Deep, deep inside her she felt the urge to scream and shout, but didn't give in. The tower would probably not survive the energy blast, and neither would her friends.

She had been showering for almost two hours, but still she felt dirty. Just the thought of someone's hands on her body… No she couldn't think about it. What the doctor had told her, it couldn't have happened. She turned of the water. She needed to find out what happened.

She entered the room and quickly went over to the man she was seeking. If someone knew how the fuck someone got in, it had to be Cyborg. He designed the system didn't he? "Cy can I ask you something, private?" "Sure Rae."

He followed her to the hall. "Was there any… security breaches last night?" "No." "Can you show me the security video from last night." "Why?" She looked pleading up at him. "Please don't ask Cyborg. Can you show me?" He shrugged. "If you want to."

She followed him to the surveillance room, where he sat down. "So what do you want to see?" "Outside my room, yesterday?" He fast-forwarded threw the entire day, but nothing. Nobody but her went inn or out of that room. "Inside my room." He just looked weird at her. "Pleas Cy." He shrugged again and got the tape up.

He fast-forwarded threw the entire day until she saw herself go to bed to sleep. "Rae?" "Keep going." She saw her sleep for a while when it appeared. A shadow, emerging from the darkness, walking over to her, pulling her sheets off her and…

"Robin, come over to the surveillance room." "Can it wait?" "No." Cyborg rewinded a bit back, just to make sure he had seen what he thought he had seen. Raven had pulled up her legs to under her chin, but her eyes didn't leave the screen. Robin walked in threw the door.

"What is it?" Cyborg pointed at the monitor. For the third time, her rape was shown on the big screen. Raven wanted to throw up. Robin swore. "How the hell did this happen?" "I don't know Robin, I'm trying to figure it out. There wasn't a security breach." Raven could feel her leaders eyes on her. "Raven?" "I have to go." She rose to her feet and ran past the two boys.

She needed to calm down, take control of her emotions. Tea, she needed tea. She could barley breath as she ran into the common room. "Friend Raven?" "Rae?" She ignored them, and bent down to get the kettle to boil water. Where the fuck was the kettle.

"Raven?" She grabbed the kettle but dropped it. Her entire body was shaking as the clang roamed threw the room. She had to get control of her emotions. She could feel how something grew inside her. Something disgusting. She felt it come up her throat and she barley got time to get over the sink before she threw up.

"Friend Raven, are you not well?" She felt someone grab her and she pushed the confused tamaranien girl of her. She felt sick by the touch. "Get away from me." She could feel her control loosen. She couldn't let that happen.

"Dude, she's only trying to be nice. No reason to yell at her." "Beast Boy, shut up." She felt something bubble inside her. She wanted to yell. She wanted to cry, to hit something, to kill who ever did this to her. She could hear the door open and Robin come in.

"Dude, nice to see you, I think something is very wrong with Raven." "Shut up Beast Boy." Raven had to do something. She felt her anger well up inside her. She had wanted to destroy something. Her foot made contact with the kettle and before she could stop herself she had bent down and thrown it against the wall.

"Dude what's up whit you?" "I got raped Beast Boy. Okay? Someone broke into the tower last night, and raped me." She had lost control. Things where now flying around the room. She tasted something salty, and realised she was crying.

"What is this raped?" "Forced themselves on me, had sex with me against my will, the thing you and Robin do, but without me wanting to." Any other time and Robin would have told her to calm down, but he just stood there. Starfire sat down on the floor, since everything else was flying about, and started to cry. Beast Boy just looked shocked.

Raven fell to her knees and started bounding the ground with her fists. She was 19, and had come to terms with probably never having sex. Both because she never thought she would find a man that could love her that way, and because she knew her powers would only be dangerous if she did. But having someone just take it, even without her knowing, it was to much, even for her.

Why did this have to happen to her? She thought being a titan she had made up for her past. She thought all of her former good deeds cancelled out her bad ones. But she had been wrong. The fucking universe had to throw this in her face too. Was there nothing she could do to make things right? Why did this have to happen to her?

Something weird happened. Suddenly everything that had been flying around dropped to the floor. The black orbs just disappeared. She was still on the floor crying, but her powers where gone. It was like she had overcharged or something, and now they had just shut down.

The three titans didn't know what to do. Ravens cries where the only thing that could be heard, and it brook her friends' heart. Starfire still didn't fully understand what had happened, but wept because her friend was hurting. Robin was kicking himself inside for letting something like this happen. He really felt like he had let her down, and the guilt was tearing him up inside.

And Beast Boy. He was standing there shacking. Clutching his fists in anger, feeling a feeling he rarely really felt. Hate. Hate towards those who had done that to her. To those who made her lie on the floor crying. Hate was a human emotion. It had nothing to do with his animal side. Animals could be angry or scared, but they never hated. Hate was a human emotion. And that was why he didn't try to suppress it.

They didn't know how long she was on the floor, but finally she stopped hitting it. She was just lying there, tears silently falling from her eyes. Carefully Starfire helped her up and sat her down on the couch, which was surprisingly unharmed after flying around some hours ago. Raven just let her be handled.

She was just sitting there staring into nothing. It wasn't like when she was meditating, or reading. Even thou she never showed her emotions; she always had a presence of calmness over her. An aura of well being and awareness. The girl sitting on the couch was empty. She was like a shell, still looking like Raven, but hollow inside.

Starfire was sitting next to her, not quite knowing what to say. Robin had left to look at the surveillance again with Cyborg. Beast Boy was heart broken looking at her.

He and her had always had a weird kind of friendship. They appealed to a side inside them that they before meeting the each other didn't know was there.

Beast Boy made Raven feel happy. Yes she was annoyed at him most of the time, but she never felt alone when he was around and Raven felt a friendship grow for him, and a need for friends. He made her feel well about herself, and normal. That she was worth attention, friendship and maybe one-day even love.

For Beast Boy it was different. Raven made him want. He wanted to try harder, be better, and be smarter after he had gotten to know her. She also made him feel normal. After the beast incident, when his darkest fear had come true and the animal side had drowned out his human side, she made him feel okay with it. That having that thing inside him wasn't the end of the world.

This alone made him indebted to her for life, but it was all the small things that made him care so much for her. She gave him a feeling of confidence. That he could be what ever he wanted to be, if he just set his mind to it. Nobody else seemed to give him that much credit.

That was why it pained him so much to see her like that. So broken down. He felt his eyes fill with tears, and became angry again. He didn't know what to do. How he could help his friend.

He went over to her, and fell to his knees in front of her. Like a child he put his head in her lap and cried. He felt so powerless, and he hated feeling that. He grabbed on to her cloak until his knuckles where a pale green. He wanted so hard to help her, to make her smile. He even would welcome her yelling. Anything but the empty shell sitting in front of him.

She could feel his face on her knees, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. The whole tower could fall down around her, and she wouldn't even stir. Far away she could hear someone cry, and something wanted to comfort him, but she had no strength. Everything had left her, even her powers.

The sun had set when the two boys came back into the common room. Both had a dreary and drawn look on their faces. Robin collapsed on the sofa next to Starfire. Cyborg just stood on the floor. "How is she?" "She has not talked in hours. And I am worried about friend Beast Boy. He has been doing the crying, and hasn't said a word as well."

Robin laid a hand around her, and Starfire cried into his shoulders. He tried to comfort her, but he was still overwhelmed with guilt, and didn't give her his full attention. "As we could see, we think he came in threw the window. I found the alarm there had been cut. I'm sorry Rae; I should have been warned about it. I should have noticed it wasn't safe." She just looked deadpanned in front of her.

Starfire gave of an involuntary yawn, and Robin looked at the time. "We should all go to bed, and we can talk more about this in the morning." Starfire took Ravens hand and Raven let her lead her out into the hall. She walked quietly until she saw her bedroom door.

She froze. Petrified. "Starfire, can I sleep in your room, with you? Please." Starfire looked at Robin insecure at first, but then smiled warmly to her. "Of coarse." Sadly they still had to walk past her room, and by the time they had past it, Raven had breathing spasms. She stumbled in to Starfires room, and fell to her bed.

Cyborg got the spear bed, and Starfire sat down on it. Raven had rapped her cloak around her and was now lying on the bed. The three boys left when they saw her eyes close.

"We'll keep guard outside their door. I'll do the first round. Cyborg you can come in two hours. Beast Boy, four." They nodded and parted. Cyborg went to his room to recharge. He was still feeling guilty for not realising someone had come inn.

Beast Boy stopped outside her room. Carefully he opened her door and went in. Robin and Cyborg had ripped her room apart, trying to find how her assailant had entered. He sighed, and started to clean up. He could have gone to his room and tried to sleep, but he knew it was futile. At least now he felt useful. Like in some way he helped her.

At last everything was as it once had been. Or at least it looked tidy, since he didn't know where everything had been. He sat down on the floor and rested his head at her bed. It was still an hour until it was his turn.

He closed his eyes and took in her sent. She had always had a unique smell. She didn't try to cover it up with perfume, and that made her original sent much clearer and stronger that with other girls. She smelt of spices, and new brewed tea. Of old paper and ink. If ever reading books in a big library with a cup of tea had a sent, that was what she smelt.

And that was what her room smelt of. Her sent was everywhere and on everything. Of course it now smelt of Robin, gunpowder and sweat, and Cyborg, metal and oil, but it was her sent that almost intoxicated him.

Robin should have been sleeping, he knew that, but he just tossed back and forth. All he could think of was Raven on the floor screaming and crying. He finally rose from the bed.

It was unfair. She had been through so much already. With her father, and guilt for almost destroying the world. He was supposed to protect her. And yet someone had gotten in to the tower and… His head hung. She had trusted him to keep her safe, and he had let her down.

He went over to the window. No one deserved what had happened, but less of all Raven. She had been trough hell so many times in her youth it would have been enough for several lifetimes. And her crime? Being born. No, life wasn't fair.

She had never trusted anyone before joining the titans, and it still took her years before she really trusted them as well. And now that she had started to open up, everything fell apart again. And why? Because he had let her down.

He was the leader; it was his job to keep the team safe. It was his job to keep the team together. To make them trust him to lead them. Would Raven trust the team again? Would she trust him again?

Cyborg was standing on the roof fixing the alarm. Now that it had been cut, he clearly saw the faults in his construction. He kicked himself for not seeing it sooner. It was so clear, almost screaming in his face.

He was wondering how Raven was doing. He had heard crying when he left, and had taken a peak and seen Star and Raven talk. He let the girls talk in peace. There was little he could have said to comfort her.

"I'm so sorry Rae." He shed a tear for his friend. He remembered how she had looked when she had seen the tape. Vulnerable. Surprised. He had never seen her so lost. She was creepy sometimes, but she had always had a sparkle in her eye. A thing, ever since her father died, that meant she loosened up.

You could always judge her mood based on that sparkle. When she had seen the tape, she had lost the spark. Her eyes died. And as the asshole that he was had even looked at it twice. And then one more time to show it to Robin, all without thinking she was next to him. Jackass. Why didn't he get her out of there? Why did he not ask her what she was looking for? She hadn't needed to see it.

"Star?" "Uh." Starfire stirred as someone called her name. Her eyelashes fluttered before she finally opened them. "Starfire?" Starfire sat up, startled for a moment. "Friend Raven, is everything right?" "No." Starfire saw that Raven was crying, and got misty eyed also. "Oh friend Raven." "Can I ask you something? Something personal? And it's okay if you don't want to. I just, how was your first time. With Robin?"

Starfire blushed and looked down. "I'm sorry, I was over the line, forget it." "It's okay. The truth, it was very nice. He was gentile, and kind. It was good. Like eating mustard." Raven gave out a sound that was like half laughing and half crying. Only Starfire would compare making love, with eating mustered.

Starfire looked worried at her friend. Raven was looking somewhere else. At something behind Starfire. Not at anything particular, she just couldn't bring herself to look at her. Raven felt like dirt. Was she really so evil, that she wasn't worth remembering her first time. She didn't know what she would have hated more. Having the images of someone on top of her, or seeing it later on surveillance tape.

Starfire started stroking her hair. She hated when people touched her hair, but now she needed it. She needed to know that there where people who wouldn't hurt her. Friends she could trust. And the motion was soothing.

"Starfire, am I ugly?" "No friend Raven." Starfire was shocked someone would call them selves ugly. Less of all Raven. Not because she was vain, but because she hadn't talked much about it. "Do you think a boy could care for me one day?" "There are a lot of boys who care for you friend Raven. Beast Boy. Cyborg. And even Robin talks often very fondly of you." "No. Do you think someone could love me one day, like Robin loves you?"

Starfire gasped. How could Raven think like that? "Of course you will find your Robin friend Raven. Why shouldn't you? You are cold, scary and distant. I am sure there are boys who find that attractive." Raven let out a sigh mixed with a hulk. Star was right. She was just cold, scary and distant. Maybe the rape had been faiths way of getting her to loose her virginity so she wouldn't die with it.

Soon Star started to yawn again, and she fell asleep halfway on the bed. Raven where just lying there. She turned on her back and looked up at the ceiling. Azar, even her roof was cheerful and happy. No wonder nothing bad ever happened to her. Raven laid a hand on her flat stomach. She felt sick, and wanted to throw up again.

She rose and opened the door ajar. Beast Boy quickly looked up at the door. He rose to his feet when he saw her. "Am I allowed to go to the bathroom?" "Of coarse. You're not a prisoner." He tried to give her half a smile, but she wasn't in the mood.

She opened the door enough to slip out. "Do you want me to?" "I thought I wasn't a prisoner." "You're not, but if there is something I could do…" She gave him half a smile. "I'm just going to the bathroom. I know where everything is, and people tend to only attack me when I'm sleeping."

He looked worried and she laid a hand on his face. He needed to shave. "I'm going to be okay. I'll yell if something comes up, and I won't tell Robin that you left me out of your sight." "It's not Robin I'm worried for." She was unsure he had said the last part, so she pretended he hadn't.

"I would feel better if you just staid here. I don't need someone listening to me. I'll only be gone for a minute. Okay?" She smiled and went to the bathroom. She closed the door, and sank down on the floor. Her entire body was trembling.

_Oh come on Raven. Get a grip. You even didn't remember. If you hadn't gone to the doctor, if you hadn't seen the tape. You wouldn't even know you had been raped._ But she couldn't stop the tears gushing down her cheeks.

She hated how her emotions had gone haywire. Her mood had gone up and down so many times today that even her powers had disappeared. She didn't know if it was temporary, or permanent. She hit the floor with her fist. The assailant hadn't just taken her virginity; he had taken her control, her powers, and maybe even her place as a titan.

Oh Robin would never tell her that, but she was useless without her powers. She rested her head on the door, and tried to take control over her emotions. "Azarath Metrion Zintos." But it was useless. She couldn't even meditate. She couldn't put it behind her.

She looked at her reflection. Her eyes where swollen, and her entire face was red from crying. She felt rage fill her up. Rage against the person who hade done this to her. She tried to suppress it, since it could be dangerous, but couldn't. She wanted him to pay. She wanted him to hurt just as she was hurting now. She wanted him to pay.

She hit the mirror. Suddenly dozens of tiny Ravens was looking back at her. That was like she felt. Like someone had broken her into pieces. She looked at her hand, which was bleeding. Crimson blood, the same colour as her rage, septet out of her.

It felt good. Not because it was nice, but it felt good hurting psychically. It gave her mind a rest. She hit the mirror again. More broken Ravens, more crimson blood. A piece had fallen in to the sink. The clinging sound rang in her ear. It was like the spirits told her to do it. Told her how to get a moments relief from her fate.

She sat down and looked at her bare legs. The light pink, weak strips mad her grey skin look like a children's picture. She stuck it in deeper than before, and finally she could see crimson blood on her legs too. She raised the other one and continued. She was more determent now, and the cuts where deeper and longer.

Both legs were cut, and the pain in her head came for full speed. If her powers didn't come back, she would have to leave the titans. She salty tears landed in the wound, and made them sting for a moment. What was she to do if she had to leave? Okay, she had her high school diploma, with actually very good grades, but she didn't want to go to college. She didn't want to leave the team. She didn't want to leave her friends.

She saw her blue vein in her arm. Followed it with a finger. Maybe this was her fate. She had been destined to die years ago. Maybe this was her punishment for asking for a few more years. Her palm was full of cuts for holding the broken mirror piece. She didn't want to leave her friends, she didn't want to die, but maybe she had to.

Soon her arm was as cut up as her two legs. She looked at her unharmed arm, and started to cut it up to. Just to balance it whole up. Deep, crimson coloured stripes. "Raven?" "Go away Beast Boy." She felt her energy beat out of her body and she sank down to the floor. "Raven, are you okay?" "Beast Boy I was raped. I don't even remember it; I had to see it on tape. Do you really think I'm okay?"

"Please Raven, open the door. Let me just see that you're okay." "Beast Boy, I'm not okay." "Raven, open the door." A part of her wanted to. A part of her wanted him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. "Raven, please open the door. "

That she hadn't just lost everything. But she couldn't. "Raven, if you're not going to open the door, I'm going to break it down." For if there was something she valued, was it the truth. She didn't want Beast Boy to lie to her. So she lay down in a pool of her own blood. "Okay I'm coming in now." At least she didn't hurt anyone this time.

Beast Boy felt his heart stop as he saw her. He ran to her side, terrified. She lied lifeless in his arms. "No. No please Raven. Don't die. Please." He pressed his ear to her breast. He felt his heart drop. He waited. Waited and prayed for what seemed like an eternity. In truth it was just seconds, but time is a weird thing. An eternity can seem like an instant, and an instant can seem like an eternity.

There. He heard it. It was faint, but it was there. He cried. "Robin you have to come quick. Ravens hurt." He could hear how the others came running. He didn't look up as Starfire screamed. He barley looked up as Cyborg took Raven out of his arms. Soon there was just he and Robin in the bathroom.

"I thought you were going to watch her. Are you insane? Do you know what you might have done? She could die. She is very unstable at the moment. Didn't you think about that before you let her out of your sight?" Beast Boy just sat there. Robin was right. He should never have left her out of his sight.

"What were you thinking?" "I don't know." His body was still shaking. He looked lost at Robin, and saw he wasn't as mad. "Get cleaned up." Beast Boy looked down and saw his entire body was a dark red. Blood. Her blood. He nodded and Robin left him. Beast Boy rose.

The sent of her blood was everywhere. On his hands, his hair, his clothes, his skin. The sent filled the entire room and threatened to make him sick. He wondered if he would ever get the sent out of his nose. He didn't think so. About as probable as he was ever going to forget the sight of her lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood.

"Why isn't she healing herself?" "Her powers are gone." Cyborg swore. He didn't even try to hide it. Starfire had cleaned her, and they had sowed the biggest cuts. Both her arms and her legs where white with the bandages. Starfire was just sitting by her side and crying. "Oh if I just hadn't fallen asleep." "Don't blame yourself Star. It's my fault. I should have made her sleep in the med bay tonight where someone could watch her." "You know she wouldn't have let you do that Rob."

Cyborg was standing by the machines overlooking her vitals. Robin was standing at the foot of her bed. The door opened and Beast Boy skulked in. He sat opposite of Starfire and grabbed Ravens other hand. It was clear to everyone he was crying, but they didn't say anything. Starfire was crying to hard and both Robin and Cyborg felt like crying themselves.

The sunshine stuck its fresh faces threw the window and landed on four dreary ones. An alarm on Cyborgs arm started to blink. His battery was soon empty. Starfires head kept dipping, and Beast Boy almost fell over of exhaustion.

"Go to bed, all of you. It's been a long night." "I don't want her to be alone." "I'll stay with her Beast Boy. Go to bed." Starfire and Cyborg had risen and gone to bed. "But Robin." "That's an order Beast Boy." Beast Boy sulked, squeezed her hand one last time and went to his bed. Robin sat down on his old chair and just looked at his sleeping teammate.

An hour or so later, Ravens eyes started to flutter, and she opened them. Robin leaned inn and smiled to her. "Welcome back." Her eyes went around the room, and then landed on him. "You gave us quite a scare there." "You should just have left me." Robin couldn't believe she was saying that. She, who always had been so strong. Always. She was totally broken down.

"Why do you say that?" "Because it's the truth." "Why." She clutched her fists, and Robin could see she was close to crying. "My powers are gone. I can't be a part of the team more, because I don't know if my powers will ever come back. I'm a wreck, and am so angry with whoever did this to me that I can't control my demon side."

"It's okay to be angry Raven. It's normal." "Not for me. I don't just get angry Robin. I can't sleep. Can't eat. My demon side is in uproar. It won't rest until it has revenge." "We will capture whoever did this Raven." "No you won't. I took a rape kit. No DNA. Just scares and wounds. And even if you did capture him, he would go away for 4 months, 5 maybe. Hell."

Angry tears landed on her pillow. She had turned to her side to look at him. "I have to live with this my entire life. I was robbed for one of the biggest things I would ever experiences I would ever have. I don't want him in jail. I want him to pay. And that's why I can't be on the team more. We are protectors, not vendettas."

Robin was a little set back. Not necessarily because what she said was so horrible, but because he himself had said them once too. When his parents had been murdered. "Am I a terrible person for feeling this way?" He moved even closer and smiled to her. "No, just human." She smiled weakly at him.

He brushed a lose strain of hair. "Thanks." "For what." "For not looking at me like I was crazy." He bent down and kissed her forehead. "You aren't crazy Raven. You can be many things, but crazy is not one of them. But I want you to speak to a therapist. Okay?" She nodded, then closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.

It had been a week, and she still felt weird. The therapy wasn't working. Her powers hadn't come back, and her friends never let her have one moment of piece. One of them was even guard outside the bathroom. She tried to seem better, but the truth was she barely had the will to get up in the morning. She tried to give them a smile so they could relax, but she wasn't okay. Far from it.

Cyborg had persuaded her to take a trip in his new car, and she had said yes to please him. "Did you hear that. Not even a sound. I told you I would fix it." She just looked out the window. Of course she was glad for her friend. She knew how much the car meant to him, and she wanted to be glad with him, like she had been before, but she couldn't. It was like there was something broken inside her.

She suddenly saw a woman go into an alley. There were millions of reasons why the woman would go into the alley, but Raven could only think of one. The reason why her mother had gone into one all those years ago.

When her mother had found out what she had been impregnated with, she had been depressed. Not knowing what to do she had gone into the alley, and eaten enough pills to kill both herself and the baby she was carrying. But her mother had been taken to Azarath before she died.

Maybe they should just have left the woman there. Then Raven would never have destroyed the earth. And she would never have been born into a life destined to make her as unhappy as she could be. Hell, they had even given her emotions this time to really torture her. She rested her head at the cool glass. She just wanted it to be over.

"Star please." "But Robin said…" "We are on an island in the middle of the ocean. Where am I to go? Just please, I need ten minutes alone." She hated lying to Starfire, but she needed to get away.

She needed it to be over, one way or the other. Most crimes end with the punishment of the criminal, but they still didn't know who had done this to her. "I'll just be around the coroner. Just give me ten minutes." Starfire finally nodded. She never could see her friends unhappy.

Raven looked back at her friend as she turned the corner. Thankfully Star didn't remember that the emergency entrance to the tunnel was where she now stood. She opened the door, and was careful to close it behind her.

Fifteen minutes she could hear a car coming down, but she was thankfully where she needed to be. She opened another emergency door, and closed it before the headlights could reveal her.

She looked in both directions before heading down the street. She needed to hurry if she would get to do it before her friends found her. She was happy that they cared so much for her, but she wished they could just see that this was the only way.

She went into a 24-h store, and bought a packet of the strongest tablets she could get without a prescription. They weren't so strong, but she knew that if she just took enough, it would work. She also bought a bottle of water. The cashier didn't even look up.

Raven turned a corner and finally found it. An alley. A dark, filthy ally. The perfect place to do it. She looked to both sides before crossing the road and running in to it. She went as far as she could. Her feet was shoeless, and her feet where bleeding from broken glass she had stepped in. She didn't care. What was the difference when she was finally going to be free?

She took out the packet. How many would be enough? Five-ten. She decided to take the whole thing. She didn't want someone to find her and save her again. She was so tired.

"Well, well. What have we here." Raven turned, and was mad when she saw Adonis. Why couldn't she just get a break? "Isn't it the dark beauty of the Titans? And where are your friends tonight?" "I don't know what you are talking about?" He came closer, and Raven got a bit scared. What if the other titans heard?

"No don't play games with me Raven. I would have recognised you everywhere." "Well can you please leave me alone. I'm not looking for a fight." He came a bit closer again. "Are you rejecting me so soon. After I did you a favour and took you virginity and everything. You should be grateful. No one else would ever have taken it."

Him. He had been the one? She felt sick. She imagined his hands on her body. Her skin began to crawl. How could he, of all, have been able to break into the tower? But then again, she reminded herself, he had done it once before. She took a step backwards as he came even closer.

"You look as sexy tonight as you did last time we met. Well except for your arms and legs thou. I always figured you for a cutter."

She felt her rage fill her. Anger, hurt, hate. All things she had tried to suppress but now filled her, making her see red. She wanted him to suffer. She wanted him to wipe that smug smile of his face and suffer like she was suffering.

She threw herself at him, but being powerless she was no match. He grabbed her with one arm and pin her to the brick wall. "You do look fine tonight. Maybe I should try you when you are awake. It was kind of boring with you just lying there." She tried to kick him, bite him, scratch him, do something, but she didn't even touch him. His laughter made her even angrier.

He leaned in and his face was now only inches away. "Now, kitty has claws. But I will tame you soon enough. And you know the best part, they will never know it was me." She had started to cry. She hated that she was so weak. She hated that her powers had left her. She hated that he was right. She hated him.

He came closer to kiss her when he suddenly let go of her. She released a shriek as she fell to the asphalt under her. She looked around in the dark alley for what had saved her, and was shocked to find the beast holding Adonis in place. She got to her feet as she saw a red eye glowing in the dark as well. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned frightened around.

"Starfire is in the car." "Robin I…" "It's okay Raven." He smiled to her before walking to Adonis with his staff out. Raven walked out of the alley as she heard a scream. Adonis's scream. She looked up and smiled as a weird peace came over her. A peace that also made her cry.

Starfire wrapped a blanket around her, and Raven laid down in the back seat with her head on Starfires lap. She could still hear the scream in her head, and that plus Starfires petting made her fall to sleep. Finally finding peace.

Finally the doors opened, and the three titan men settled. Beast Boy took Ravens feet on his lap as he wiped some of Adonis's blood from his mouth. "Is he?" "No." Robin looked behind at the two girls. "Raven has to live with this the rest of her life, he has to live with it for the rest of his life." Nobody said a word before Beast Boy, who had been petting her legs, suddenly made a sigh of happiness.

"She's healing herself. She's finally healing herself."


End file.
